Fat Kids Corner food review: The Beef Chief

Great commercial from when I was a kid… 1984, Wendy’s hamburgers from Columbus, Ohio created a catchphrase “Where’s the Beef?” With a voice-over as seductive as mine, the commercial features three old women with a bit of sarcasm, throwing shade at their competition!

Mad Men advertising at its finest

The commercial is a “pot shot” towards the size of the burgers that McDonalds and Burger King serve… get it? Pot Shot. Amsterdam… Jongen, jongen, jongen…

The “Where’s the Beef” commercial has been popping into my mind ever since I came across the Oedipus Brewery and The Beef Chief. I’m still recovering, but this is what I remember.

It was July 4th, a celebration for us Amerikaanse jongens, so I decided that I should serve my country proud, wake up at noon, take an uber to a hot yoga class, “work” remotely while sipping a cappuccino and salute The Beef Chief: <Insert traditional American redneck voice here> The best darn American cheeseburger I ever had!

The Beef Chief - BIG FAT BURGERS AND BEYOND - sits inside the Oedipus Brewery in Amsterdam Noord. The website, designed by Atari, has burger meteorites and vegetable shooting stars letting you know things are going to get weird.

Where is The Beef Chief? Who!? is The Beef Chief? 

It’s Thursday, I’m on my oma fiets in Amsterdam. The weather, cloudy with a chance of meatballs, windy, but still sunny and I’m at Centraal Station, 4:52pm jumping on the IJplein pont to The Beef Chief. They sound the horn, as the ramp closes on the ferry taking me to Amsterdam Noord. Ik heb trek, I’m hungry and my stomach growls like an angry dog.

Less than 5 minutes later, now back on land, I cycle hard to the Oedipus Brewery. It opens at 5 o’clock and I want to be one of the first there! Serving sophisticated, flavourful beers, you’ll feel like you’re inside your hippy cousin’s garage with its colourful psychedelic vibe, happy people and easy-going environment. Great for some sun, birthdays, man-dates, business meetings, whatever, it’s just so damn koe man! (yes, another pun, sue me).

A menu hangs by the bar, but no kitchen in sight. Servers walking around with delicious-looking food, but from where? Ik bestel a Mannenliefde beer and a Rebel Waltz: a 100% beef, 2x 100-gram hand-formed burger with house-smoked bacon, American cheese, onion marmalade, garlic mayo and a toasted bun. Oooooo…

Verdomme! Within minutes the place is packed! I hurry to find a place and continue my inquiry. Surveying the scene from my vantage point, I see the brewery, bathrooms, bar and outside area. But still! No kitchen. “Waar ben je?” I say to myself.

I switch to position two and continue my stealth analysis. Walking casually through the brewery, I duck left and find myself in a back warehouse. It really smells like I’m on to something, I hear voices coming from the next room. Detective Fat Kid goes in for a closer look.

Simon

Dressed in his finest In & Out T-shirt creating burger masterpieces is the man and I’m almost certain, MI-6 secret agent himself, Simon. Last name… Well, it’s not Bond! Before I can intercept, Simon turns around and says, “I’ve been waiting for you Mr. Fat Kid, welcome.” A handful of bacon is used like a napkin with chloroform and placed over my nose. I slip into unconsciousness.

I wake up at the table with my burger in front of me. Simon sitting across. I ask, “Do you expect me to talk?” He replies with an evil laugh, “No, Mr. Fat Kid, I expect you to eat” and walks away.

A gigantic first bite almost takes my garlic mayo covered Goldenfinger as I realise I may have bitten off more than I can chew. Real 100% beef is the first thing I taste. Charred to perfection, fresh, juicy, this prize-winning blend is how a burger should be. Meaty magnificence! The sautéed sweet onions enhance the smokiness of the super thick bacon, while the garlic mayo adds a creamy zing to the buttery brioche bun.

Three bites in, I’m halfway finished and the Rebel Waltz is dancing in my belly! But the BEST part... The American cheese. Wiki says, “American cheese is a type of processed cheese. It can be orange, yellow, or white in colour. It’s mild and salty in flavour, has a medium-firm consistency, and a very low melting point. It originated in the 1910s and is a common staple in many American dishes.”

Beef Chief, Ik hou van jou… EVERYTHING on the menu, from the ultra-crispy fries to the Straight to Hell burger topped with habanero tarragon relish to my second favourite, the Corner Soul, a crispy fried buttermilk chicken thigh burger topped with American cheese, pickles, iceberg sla and a green sauce (still trying to figure out those ingredients) make for a Fat Kid trifecta of taste!

Consistency is what makes The Beef Chief the best place for a burger in Amsterdam. When the question is asked by a friend, a local or a tourist, “Where’s the Beef?” make sure you point them to the Chief!