Invader Stu: Warning signs that you are becoming Dutch

Spend any amount of time in Holland and you are bound to pick up a few habits from the locals. It’s good to become integrated but there are some warning signs that you might be becoming "too" Dutch. You have been warned.

› You no longer freak out when someone reminds you that the entire country is below sea level.

› You’ve forgotten what hills and mountains look like.

› You’ve discovered a way of using the friendly greeting "hello" as a sarcastic insult.

› You’ve developed a natural instinct to sit in a circle at any party or social gathering that you are invited to.

› You’ve continued to ride the same bike for the past two years despite the rather unhealthy and painful squeaking sound it has developed (which causes nearby pedestrians to bleed from their ears).

› You’ve shouted at tourists while cycling past on a bike.

› You’ve "pimped" your bike with fake flowers.

› You own either: a large pair of novelty orange glasses, a large novelty orange inflatable crown, an orange feather boa and / or a pair of orange dungarees that you wear at any event that requires a display of Dutch pride (Queen's/King's Day, Football matches, etc).

› You’ve developed an unhealthy obsession with mixing random vegetables with mashed potatoes.

› You actually understood the above joke.

› You now consider mayonnaise to be its own food group.

› You think standing on the fragile ice over the city’s polluted (and often peed in) canals in large numbers is a good idea.

› You get excited about "Pepernoten Season."

› You now say "half a year" instead of "six months."

› You’ve eaten raw herring without it being part of a bet you lost.

› You’ve stuck up for Sinterklaas in the annual Sinterklaas vs. Santa argument (and Zwarte Piet has started to seem less offensive).

› You’ve considered red trousers a "fashionable option."
 

Any signs that you are becoming "too" Dutch? Feel free to comment below!


Invader Stu is an accident prone Englishman who has been suffering from Dutch culture shock for the last ten years. Enjoy his stories, more of which can be found on Invading Holland.

Also, check out:
- Part 2 with more warning signs that you are becoming Dutch!
- Part 3 with even more warning signs!