How to help your child stay safe online

This year, The British School in The Netherlands (BSN) has run more workshops and discussion groups to support their parent community in keeping their children safe online at home. They would like to share their current approach, tips, and some resources that their community have found particularly valuable on this topic.

Do you feel overwhelmed when you think about the dangers that exist for young (and not so young) people in the online world? The landscape of our social media and virtual lives is constantly developing and changing, and even for the most tech-savvy of parents, it can be hard to keep up with the new platforms and how our children are using them.

We are the first generation of parents and teachers to navigate this world of ubiquitous smartphones and social media with our young people, and feeling we are doing enough to keep them safe is tough. We want to empower our young people to use technology confidently whilst keeping themselves and others safe at the same time. So, how can we do that?

Start conversations

Just as you taught your child how to safely cross the street or wear a seatbelt in the car, talking to your child about staying safe online is essential. Similarly to when a child is learning to read and is encouraged to read for short periods on a daily basis, it is a topic that you will want to come back to regularly for brief check-ins.

Questions

Invite questions from your child and reassure them that if issues arise, you will be there to support them.

Make it a two-way conversation

Ask your child what they enjoy doing online or what kinds of videos they enjoy watching on YouTube. Give them the chance to teach you something new. You will gain more insight into what they are doing on their devices, and it’s an opportunity to connect over their interests.

Appropriate topics

You know your child, and depending on their age, you are best positioned to know what topics are appropriate and how detailed you need to be. InternetMatters offers advice for parents based on the child’s age, including an internet safety checklist, helpful resources, and online safety activities to do together.

Restrictions and guidelines

If you set restrictions or guidelines on how your child uses the internet and devices, be clear about why you feel these are necessary - negotiate them wherever possible and be open to hearing their perspective. Your child may disagree and might not like the boundaries you set, but that’s okay. Ultimately, you are the parent, and just as you set guidelines to protect their physical safety, you should feel confident about protecting their safety online.

Use the opportunity to connect

As a parent, it is likely that screens and time spent online are some of the main sources of conflict in your household. If so, you are not alone. However, it’s also possible to use this challenging topic to connect and strengthen your relationship with your child.

Consider how you respond to your child’s views:

• Listen to your child actively.
• When your child comes to you to talk, if possible, stop what you are doing and focus entirely on what they are saying.
• Validate their feelings.
• Manage your emotions - the goal is to let your child know that they can come to you and share.

Consider what your child needs from you:

• Show trust when you can (if someone is in a dangerous situation, explain to your child that you will need to let the appropriate people know).
• Maintain your authority but be willing to explain your reasons.
• Give praise.

Work together with your child:

• Find an activity to do together.
• Share regular meals.
• Be observant.

Create a family agreement

Many families find it helpful to create a family agreement regarding devices, screentime and the internet. While it may sound overly formal to have a contract in place, it forces you to clarify and specify your expectations for how your child uses their devices and be consistent and predictable in following through. Furthermore, by working on the agreement with your child, they have a voice and are less likely to feel that these guidelines are arbitrary.

You can find templates for digital family agreements at Childnet and InternetMatters that you can edit or use as inspiration.

Model behaviour

The truth is that it is not only our children and young people that are increasingly engaged and drawn to screens, social media and spending time online. Many of us needed to be online more for work in the last two years. During lockdowns, devices, social media, online messaging and video calls were how we connected and communicated with people outside of our homes.

Devices and this online world are engaging (precisely what they are designed to be!). When you consider how much time is appropriate for your child to be online, you may want to think about what behaviour you are modelling in this area. Talk to your child about how you interact with others and how you decide what to share and post. Students learn about the dangers of fake news and using reliable information sources, but this message can be reinforced by seeing examples of what appears in your social media feed.

Inform yourself

The data and statistics can be scary, but coming to grips with invasions of privacy, identity theft, persuasive design, and dangerous online behaviours is the best way to protect yourself and your family. For example, there are some simple ways to keep your data more secure:

Location services and metadata

You will ensure that the device’s precise location is not being shared unintentionally by turning off Location Services on devices and for individual apps. Many people are unaware that when a photo is shared on social media, if Location Services is not turned off on the device’s camera, metadata can be extracted from the image determining the precise location where the photo was taken.

Online quizzes

Most of us envision hackers as they are portrayed on television: people sitting in an industrial space furiously working to break into bank accounts. In reality, hackers don’t need to work very hard to get personal information. Many people give their data away by “playing” online “games” or taking online “tests” or “quizzes” that require personal information.

Network settings

Isn’t it convenient when you can join an open WiFi network? Well, it’s also convenient for people who are looking for easy access to your personal information.

Online safety at your child's school

Beyond increasing your awareness, you can find out how online safety is addressed at your child’s school. It will likely be covered in the curriculum, so ask for the topics covered, and you can build on these at home. You should also find out which staff member oversees safeguarding and who students or parents should speak to if they have any concerns.

If you have an older child, it is also helpful to find out where the boundaries lie between schools’ and families’ responsibilities. Is the school likely to get involved if a young person does something on their family’s device, out of school hours and off-campus, using the family Wi-Fi?

Helpful resources 

As we have been developing how we can best support the young people in our care and their families, these are the resources that we consult when it comes to online safety.  

Better Internet for Kids

A comprehensive resource for parents, students and schools in the European Union (EU).

Common Sense Media

This is an excellent website and resource for parents of children and teenagers. You can find age recommendations for apps, websites, movies and television shows for younger children. For parents of older kids and teenagers, there is information about social media platforms, gaming sites and dangerous online behaviours.    

Safer Internet

You will find a wide range of helpful information. We particularly like the social media guides.  

Internet Matters

In addition to specific information about various online issues, advice by age, setting controls, guides and resources, and news, there is a section on the latest research and reports regarding online safety.

Work in progress

How people use social media and the internet will continue to evolve, which means supporting our young people in staying safe and taking precautions is an ongoing area of work. There are very real dangers for young people online, and understandably, it is an area of concern for parents. However, I believe that by schools and families working together, we can equip our young people with the knowledge, skills, and resilience they need to navigate the online world.

As Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL) at Senior School Voorschoten, The British School in The Netherlands, James Lloyd sees online safety coming increasingly into the work he does because, just like for adults, young people’s lives are increasingly online. If you want to know more about the BSN's approach to safety online or about the opportunities available at their school, don't hesitate to reach out via email or phone (07 315 4077).