9 funny Dutch words and sayings

If you are learning Dutch, you will have noticed that not only are some Dutch words extremely funny, but some Dutch phrases are totally baffling to other nationalities! We say embrace the hilarity and dive into the madness, as it makes learning the language a lot more fun! 

Funniest Dutch words

It's best to prepare yourself for the funniest Dutch words out there. It's not always polite to burst into laughter mid-conversation when you hear a funny word, however tempting it might be. Here's a short list to get you going:

Wasbeer

Animal names are a great source of silly Dutch words, and a walk around a zoo looking at the exhibit labels can have you in stitches. The names are often descriptions of the animal or its behaviours, and they can be utterly whimsical and delightful. A particular favourite is wasbeer: the "wash-bear", otherwise known as the raccoon, named for their adorable habit of washing their food and hands before eating.

Other funny Dutch animal names include:

• Neushoorn: "nose-horn" for the rhino
• Zeehond: "Sea-dog" for the seal
• Wandelende tak: "Walking-stick" for the stick insect
• Gordeldier: "Belt-pig" for the armadillo
• Naaktslakken: "Naked snail" for the slug

Handschoenen

It’s not only animals that get descriptive names. Many everyday items also have descriptive names and they are often extremely literal. Handschoenen translates as "hand-shoes", and is what Dutch-speakers call gloves. Some might argue that "hand-socks" makes more sense if you are going down this route, but the Dutch speakers have decided!

Other extremely literal Dutch words are spijkerbroek: "Nail-trousers" for jeans, and the not-for-the-squeamish tandvlees: "tooth-meat" for gums.

Patatje Oorlog

Food is big area where Dutch speakers get weird and wild with their words. The good news is that, once you find out what something is, you tend not to forget, but the bad news is it can be impossible to deduce what a dish contains from its name. 

Patatje oorlog is a fast-food staple across the country. It translates as "chip war", which doesn’t necessarily sound like something you’d like to eat. No one is certain where the name comes from, but it’s likely that it’s simply such a messy dish, it look like a war has taken place on your plate. If you order Patatje oorlog, you can expect to receive a portion of chips with mayonnaise, peanut sauce and chopped onions. Some places like to add curry sauce into the mix too!

The other classic Dutch late-night snack is Kapsalon, which translates as "hairdresser"! Nothing to do with having offcuts in your food, this dish is named for the hairdresser-creator of the dish, Nataniël "Tati" Gomes, who devised the special order at his local shawarma shop. What started as "the usual order for the hairdresser" just became a "hairdresser" over time. This is a diet-busting dish of chips covered with shawarma and then cheese, which is all grilled before being covered with salad and sauces of your choice.

Koffie verkeerd also sounds like something you might like to avoid – it translates as "wrong coffee"! Dutch people were so set in their ways that when these newfangled milky lattes started being requested in cafes, this is the name they ended up with. They’ll serve it, but they’ll make sure you know it’s not the right way to drink your coffee!

You will also spy pindakaas ("peanut cheese!)" in supermarkets, which is just regular peanut butter to you and me, as well as Hagelslag ("Hail storm"), those boxes of chocolate sprinkles that are considered an acceptable breakfast over here.

Kunt

What did you just say?! There are lots of words in Dutch that appear extremely rude or offensive to English speakers that are perfectly normal to Dutch speakers. Kunt is one such word. It’s just the formal version of can! So if you hear anyone say "U kunt...", resist the urge to take offence or giggle and just know they are politely saying "You can..."

Another one you are likely to hear is people calling you a whore. What now?! Hoor, pronounced exactly the same as the English word whore, literally means "hear". However, it gets used as an intensifier all the time. So, if you ask someone in a bar if you can take this seat, the reply "ja, hoor’" is a confident, "yes, of course!" However, if you tell someone you arrived from the moon this morning, their incredulous "ja, hoor?!" is more like a sarcastic "yeah, right!"

Monster

Dutch is full of what are known as false friends for English speakers. These are words that look just like English words, but don’t mean the same thing at all! Monster is one of these funny Dutch words, and you might see it more than you expect. It’s not that the Netherlands is full of spooky, fairy-tale creatures, but that this exciting word actually means the very boring "sample", so don't be surprised if the doctor hands you a small, empty pot for your monster!

Funniest Dutch sayings

If you have ever tried to have a conversation or read a magazine in Dutch, you’ll have found that Dutch people won’t say something plainly if they can say it with a confusing phrase instead! Here's a few of the funniest Dutch phrases decoded for you:

Je bent niet van suiker

This one must be said to teenagers across the country every single day. Je bent niet van suiker means "you are not made of sugar", which at first glance seems a pretty strange thing to say to someone!

It is usually said to someone who is reluctant to go out in the inevitable Dutch rain, and makes more sense once the unsaid implication is spelt out: you won’t dissolve in the rain! This might explain why so many Dutch people are seen happily cycling off to their hockey matches on Sunday mornings no matter the weather!

Helaas pindakaas

Short but sweet, this unusual Dutch saying must be the one you hear most often! It literally tanslates to "unfortunately, peanut butter", but knowing that doesn't help you know what Helaas pindakaas means!

Simply put, Dutch people love a rhyming phrase, even if it doesn’t make any sense. This one should be used when something slightly unfortunate has happened to a friend, and can be thought of like "too bad!" or even "tough luck". This is definitely for when the store is out of biscuits or someone's bus was cancelled – not if their pet is sick!

Nu komt de aap uit de mouw

The fun phrase Nu komt de aap uit de mouw literally means "Now the monkey comes out of the sleeve". It means that someone has finally shown their true character, or their real intentions. It doesn’t mean that anyone is particularly monkey-like, nor does it reflect on their sleeve choice! Think of it as similar to the English phrase "Now we see their true colours".

Het is alsof er een engel op je tong piest

Dutch people are known for being plain-speaking, and even when they are being poetic and metaphorical, there is still a certain earthiness to their language! Het is alsof er een engel op je tong piest is a saying you might hear in a pub, when the first, much-needed mouthful of a beer is taken. It translates as "it’s like an angel is weeing on your tongue". We’ve been assured that this is a good thing!

Have a laugh with these funny Dutch words, sayings and expressions

Once you've recovered from learning these funny Dutch expressions, make sure you sprinkle them into your own Dutch conversations. There is no better way to feel more integrated than by saying something that feels totally ridiculous to you, but is taken as a normal thing to say by the recipient. 

What are your favourite funny Dutch phrases or words? Let us know in the comments below!